Everywhere we go I hear "tap tap tap". In the car "tap tap tap" on the seat. I tell him to brush his teeth " tap tap tap" this time using his toothbrush as his choice of drum sticks. I mean seriously if you have a child who is learning how to play the drums...its like living in a world where nothing is every used again for its designed purpose...no... but it can always be used as a drum stick.
I don't say this to sound irritated...o.k. maybe a little when it interrupts my personal quiet. Although I do love his love for music and his desire to be better at what he does.
So when he decided to pick up the ukulele....I thought "Alright!! now that's something worth listening to." Please moms don't judge. He has been practicing tirelessly , strumming , placing his fingers in all the right spots and learning how to change them at just there right time. Most times walking away in frustration just to walk back a few minutes later and begin the process all over again.
So being the supportive mom , the encouraging mom, the cheerleading mom that I am....I walk into his room during one of these moments of frustration and say
" Man your doing so good. It must be so much easier to play the ukulele with only 4 strings and I'm sure its nice to take a break from learning the rhythm patterns of the drum sticks."
He stopped playing and just sighed. He looked defeated.
Then he replied " It is not easier mom, have you played the ukulele before? " To which I replied " no I sure haven't." "Then how do you know if its easier and the whole time I'm trying to strum in the right pattern I hear the drum rhythms in my head and it makes it so much harder. "
To some this seems like a simple mother , son conversation but when I walked out of the room that day I felt so bad. What I went in there to do was to encourage him. I hated hearing him get mad and walk away frustrated. I wanted him to know I thought he was doing good but the reality is he was right I had no idea what was going on in his head and the battle of the rhythms that took place. I had no idea if playing a ukulele was easy or hard...I had never even picked one up before. Who was I to tell him what was easy when I had never even walked in his shoes.
We do that a lot as people. We mean well most of the time. But we walk into situations and begin to speak words that maybe in most cases are meant to encourage but the reality is we do more harm than good sometimes . There is only one kind of advice to give in a situation that you have never walked through- THE GOSPEL! We have to remember that His word is true and the world is incorrect.
Please hear me when I say - this is NOT meant to discourage you or any other women from walking through the hard stuff with someone. We NEED EACH OTHER!! God made us for relationships. His relationship first ,then others. But we have got to be cautious when we "walk into a room" not to speak as if we have walked in that persons shoes.
We should just for a second stop and ponder our words before speaking.
Listening is far more harder to do but sometimes a much more powerful response to someones bleeding heart.
Hear their hearts and speak the only kind of advice worth hearing - Gods Word. That's a whole lot of love and encouragement that will not return void.
Proverbs 16:24 Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
Proverbs 13:3 Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life...